Dreaming in Tennessee

Anecdotes, general musings, and registered work from a wannabe.

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Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States

Friday, July 22, 2005

Which Begs the Two-Part Question: How Many Then's Can One Paragraph Possibly Hold & Do We Really Need Names?

From Query Letters I Love:

http://queryletters.blogspot.com/2005/07/help-take-bite-out-of-bad-queries.html#comments

"This script is about a vampire that has a brother. Since childhood his brother was always jealous of him. The brother felt their mother gave the older brother more attention then she gave him. They both were in love with a human but she loved the older brother. Before their mother died she gave the older brother a hooded robe were he could go into the sunlight to see his love.

In a rage the younger brother killed the human woman and blamed it on humans. He then tried to turn his grief stricken brother against the humans and get the robe from him so he could rule all vampires. The brother learned the truth of what happened to his love and about his younger brother's plan. Then, he fell in love with another human. He tried to keep her a secret but the younger brother found out and was trying to kill her. He then tricked his younger brother into believing he was going to aid him in the war against the humans but turned on his brother killing him to save the woman he loves and for the human race. He became leader over the vampires."



Now, I know I'm going to be filing this under my growing list of what_to_remember_about_screenplay_writing, but should I put this in the long column of Do's or the even longer column of Don'ts. . .hmmmmm, this is a puzzle.

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